Now I know this has been a while since a posted, a long while, I am still sorta working on my blog drive account making ti look nice and all but untill I have it done complete and working I will not post it, I have written a few entries in the meanwhile which I will not post for more then obivious reasons if you know anything about me. I have even more currently been suffering in all my classes, it is causing me to lower my marks cause I have no way to keep interest in them, I fall asleep in them, now if I had a decent bit of stimulation I think I would be able to survive my classes and stay awake, but the only classes I have been able to stay awake in are classes that deal with computers, stuff that gives me tons of stimualtion. I feel like slipping into the music and not leaving if that was possible, but it is not, I am not sure wheter or not I want to go out and work on computers or become a teacher, I have a reason to become a teacher, and that would be the hope of finding people like me and teaching them how to be able to live through all of their problems, and try and make things interesting for them and everyone. I am sitting here currently with my winamp player running and I am listing to all the music videos I have downloaded, I am currently at 105 music videos and my favourite right now is "Nine inch Nails - The Hand that feeds. Over the past two months I have been using this rather sloppily made but ok forum for Role playing and just general discussion called Gaia Online.You make yourself a avatar, but everything good is costly as it probably should be, but the good thing about this compared to Habbo Hotel that it is all free, you get the currency gold by doing many things like posting, fishing, answering pools, going through the pages and etc. I am writing all this out before hand in notepad cause I still do not trust blogdrvie, I have lost to many thing to them and this isn't one of them I want to lose to a stupid internet problem cause the page wants to bloody refresh and wipe itself clean of all the non essentail data left, which would include your entire entire most of the time.

Currently there has been alot of bad things happening in our group, which is sorta like breaking apart but to be honost I am not even gonna try and keep it, it has lost all its meaning when people start using other people in the group for physical needs and mental needs later on for the other half of the situation, I am currently trying to hold myself back from making one person go into a state of permenant erectile disfunction as well as make him suffer through enough pain to even be considers a small amount of the pain he has caused, if you do not know who this person is, you are either 1) not in the group 2) ignorant of everything going on around you or 3)someone who can't believe yes he is doing this, and you got lied to about it. Well I have had more then enough discussions about him, not that I mind talking about who disfunction he is currently because of his lust for sex and getting off. You know what no matter what you say there is enough there to get him charged with sexual assualt and sent to prison for it with or without personal testimonies going either way on him due to the fact of ages of people he did stuff with. All personal testimonies wouldn't be cared about, but this is just me thinking about justice and what goes through my head.

I am trying to make this a rather longer entry cause I am rather bored, which happens far to often to be any good for me now. and I really need to get stuff out of me and I really don't care what people are going to say about this, it is completely true so don't bother to argue with me. I an in a situation where I have to ignore my heart, obey my head and deny my body, I was fucked over by a girl name Kirsty a while back and that totally removed all my sense of being since she made one promise to me which is a rather simple one "Don't use me like most of the other girls have." and I can easily say that she is like those other girls, she was removing me from her life cause she got a b/f and she didn't tell me, she wasn't planing on telling me. When I found out about her b/f she was ledding me on for a month and a half, and she lied about to to her best friend Bea, who use to be one of my friends till she decided to pick sides and I chose her cause she is all about the girl power not matter if it was right or wrong from them to do it. I really don't talk to her anymore, and really don't want to for obivious reasons. I really still do hate Kirsty for this and she told Bea I was trying to pressure her into things that weren't true, I wanted to get out and have coffee with her. She introduced other ideas while I still said coffee, and anything else is and always will be your decision, I would of thought Bea knew me enough to actually know I wouldn't pressure people into do things, especailly after I have been used too many times in my life already and I am only 18. I had to grow up early, did you, and someone of you are still acting like you never had to grow up yet. I am ended this statement here

I am actually talking to someone I haven't talked to in around 12 months again, I actually let Emily back into my life. she is an ok person but I have to get to know her again cause she has changed, but then again so have I  but then again I have only gotten massively different that I was last year. I really want to leave this city and look turn back. I wouldn't mind meeting new people and make a new life for myself as a few of you probably know already, when I leave for College or university I am probably not even gonna continue to talk to my highschool and grade school friends. I might continue to communicate with a few of them, but that will actually mean something. I think I have had enough ranting for one night that I am willing to talk about, I got way more to say but I really don't want to let you all know about it till a set time, or never at all